my supernatural aids:
i found:
compassion
discernment
humor
joy
faith
patience
perseverance
wisdom
humility
integrity
i figured out but ran out of time to pick up:
courage
selflessness
strength
…and i think i may have gotten heart and insight, but i never made it in to ask the hosts of heart and insight for various yucky reasons.
when i first embarked on this journey i had no idea where to begin…i mean i know there were steps, but i’m not a “step” kind of person. i just always have to do everything my own complicated stupid way. haha…although sometimes it does work out better…but only sometimes. anyways…soooo ya i decided my first step was to just sit down, read the clues and figure out where to go. that’s what i did, and i found what i found, and didn’t get to a few…which i am sad about–> .
my journey was pretty easy and simple. compassion was fun to find in the religion office. under the budha, classic. and explaining what the true meaning of perseverance proved much harder than i thought. i liked the hostess of humor…very very fitting. my word of wisdom from the library was giggle… yay . and i really liked the light for integrity. i’m not really sure why humility was symbolized with incense but it made my pretty bag smell pretty so yayyy.
if i had found all fifteen the way i had intended to i think i would have picked the following (although this decision was really reallly reallllllyyy hard):
courage: for braveness and the willpower to tackle challenges for the right reasons.
compassion: for the ability to see things in another’s perspective, to be respectful of others always, and to be able to give to others with a willing heart
humor: mainly because i love to laugh, and without humor life would be extremely difficult to live
joy: because smiling is the bomb, and doing something/going through life with joy and happiness is much better and easier and much more fulfilling, therefore a journey with joy would be much the same.
faith: in order to fulfill a journey you must have faith that you’re headed the right direction and you must believe in what you’re journey-ing for.
heart: duhh. you have to have the heart to do what needs to be done, you must believe in what you’re doing, and you really must feel for what you’re journey-ing toward. with heart comes strength and perseverance because when you have the heart you have everything you need to pull through and get the job done. heart=totally necessary.
patience: i’m rarely very patient. patience is a virtue that does not come easily to me, and therefore i must must must call upon my supernatural aid to give me as much patience possible because with patience everything is better. you get to see things in their natural time, without being rushed. you gain so much insight and wisdom just watching and waiting. it’s unbelievable. patience just seems like the way to be…sooooo may i please have some patience?
selflessness: in order to be successfull, one must be selfless. if you’re always worrying about number one, you will never be number one. you have to think of others before yourself…you have to put the idea of who gets the credit aside, and just do what needs to be done in order to accomplish the goal for the greater good.
humility: being humble is sooo important to me. i hate it when i’m over confident because then i feel like i won’t get what i’m striving for. to be humble to me is to be grateful for what is, and to accept reality and be truly thankful. i feel like when i’m humble my expectations for things are surprised for the better, and i accomplish more than i thought was possible. i also feel that by being humble i’m more likely to accept what is, and less likely to compare myself to others, which only slows me on my journey to success…or wherever.
integrity: being honest and respectable, good-mannered and just nice is soooo important. why go anywhere on bad terms. that’s just dumb. if you’re going to do something at all, especially something as important as your life journey, you must have integrity and do the job correctly, for the right reasons. integrity is a must.
insight: i love insight. it’s like the hidden battery pack when you’re flashlights dying…or the last dry match when everything has gone wrong. insight to me is the idea of warmth and light when you think everything, literally everything, has failed you. on a personal note: i could not find insight ANYWHERE!!! and it’s one that i never did find…i looked in the guidance office, mrs. redelmen’s lovely office, the history office, man like EVERYWHERE! i finally concluded that this was a weird cryptic one that was probably like “oh insight…you find insight in yourself!!” …duhh…haha so i was going to go ask the haffmeister about it…but then i was at mun friday, so it didn’t work out…but yaa. let’s just go with the idea that insight is found within…i LOVE THAT! because that means that when everyone and everything in the world has failed me, i have yet to fail myself. A+++++. GOLD STAR!
anyways. so ya. those are my eleven lovely buddies. and i know that eleven wasn’t a number of symbolism given so i did my own research:
The Number Eleven possesses the qualities of intuition, patience, honesty, sensitivity, and spirituality, and is idealistic. Others turn to people who are ‘Eleven’ for teaching and inspiration, and are usually uplifted by the experience.
YAYY! and i’m glad the number i got ended up to be eleven (i didn’t really try to get a number, i just kind of picked the ones i felt essential and it happened to be eleven) because i love the number eleven, and i always make a wish on 11:11 and my birthday month is eleven. idk. i just really like it so YAYY!!
alright well that’s all.
yayyy hero journey! WHOO!!
so i’m watching the oscars. and listening to everyone’s glorious thankyou speeches, and realizing how wonderful it is to say thankyou and be thanked.
and now i realize that although i know thankyou is actually two words–thank you–i prefer and still tend to write it as one. so thankyou in advance for not correcting me.
anyways. as i’m watching the oscars i can’t help but acknowledge the fact that everyone who has gotten an oscar has felt as if they would have never recieved it, ever! that they’ve always been told their dream was not realistic and stupid, unattainable, and just so far out of reach. YET. they’re all there, recieving their little gold man! YAYY!!
it just instills an immense sense of hope in me (and hopefully others so i don’t sound incredibly cheesballish) that my dreams, realistic or not, can come true too. yayy!!
so for that, i thank the oscars! (and for allowing rob pattinson to present something, and for hugh jackman being hilarious…and hot. oooh!! and beyonce. YAYY!!!)
and now i leave you with my favorite actress and idol accepting her first oscar
seldom do i use the word hate, for it implies much more than a strong dislike of/for something/someone. it can be a very malicious term, and should only be used when it is truly meant.
that being said….
I HATE AP CHEM!
ap chem is truly the death of me. the class is absolutely stupid. it is so dumb. SO DUMB. I DO NOT LEARN ANYTHING IN THAT CLASS. IT IS A WASTE OF TIME!!!! maybe some people can sit through the indirect lectures and actually absorb information but i am not by any means one of them. the only way i personally learn anything from class is sometimes in lab (maybe like 1 lab out of 5), other than that, i am completely on my own. just me and my rotting chemistry book. shoot me.
as of this past wednesday i have begun seeing a chem tutor. her name is abby, and low and behold, she actually talks to me about chemistry and what i need to know. abby = heroine.
tonight i have to complete yet another lab report that i will not understand, and set up a prelab for tomorrow’s lab that i will most likely sit through playing “i spy” with my trusty lab partner, marybee.
some might say, hey-why don’t you try paying attention, or actually applying yourself in lab and make an effort! well to them i say- it’s worthless. just like trying to avoid sand on a beach. worthless. why is it worthless? because the tests are impossible, we compete against our brilliant classmates for a’s, and no one is ever truly equal so it is just absolutely worthless.
obviously anyone could just say work harder, and i definitely keep this in mind. but today my point is simply that i’m so frustrated with this stupid stupid class that i HATE, and cannot wait to be done with it FOR-EV-ER! (sandlot style).
ahhh. its sevens. and a friday. and i already had prt 3s and another prt off today….what to do what to do.
i love fridays. they just make me happy. and this year the phrase tgif (or thank God it’s friday, for all non-phrase users) has really taken on a whole new meaning for me.
it used to be that people would just say it to be cool….not that it would really boost your cool points-no offense…so i never really got accustomed to saying it much…but this year. ohhhh this year it IS a new story.
tgif is like for reals. it’s like omg. seriously THANK GOD IT”S FREAKING FRIDAY. in this sense i guess it would be tgifF. haha. ok i’m not funny. sorry. but anyways. it’s just like wowzaaa. portal to weekend bliss has been officially opened. YETHHH!!! or as i like to say…NOIITHEE!! (hey car.)
so ya. alright. it’s friday. (WHOO)
events for this evening:
dance practice: 3.30-5
play time: 5-7.31
get ready time: 7.32-7.39
car jam sesh: 7.40- 8? (meaning arrival time is questionable)
GAME TIME: 8-??? (meaning game end time is questionable)
PARTAYYY!!!: ???- ?mommmy? (meaning start time is questionable depending on questionable game end time, and end time is questionable depending on my mother, who is asian & will therefore require me to be home 5 min. after i have left, or 8.05 for the math wizards. YAY ASIAMOM. no really. she’s cool.)
lallalalallala. hmmmm.
sooo yaaa yaaa. ok vid time. i’ve bored you enough.
thank you. come again.
sorry if it’s a little controversial. it’s just hilarious…even without sound.
sooooooo predicament. I LOVE NOTORIOUS BIG. buttttttt. can i see it? NO. why? becuase it costs like TEN big ones just to see a movie at the theatre. like really. you’ve got to be kidding me.
because of the high cost, even if i did want to pay ten dollars for a movie (that could possibly be abismal), i have a lot of practical friends who do not wish to blow their hard earned cash in one go.
HOWEVER!!!! lucky for me, i do have one friend who works at the movies and is able to view certain movies for free and bring friends and family!!! yay!!! she will remain anonymous as to revert the stalkers, but WHOO!!!! it’s so exciting.
ever since i was little my mom has always told me hat i was “special”– whatever that means. i’ve always kind of thought that it just meant i wasn’t like other kids because i was unique as an individual and always busy with a million different “after-school-activities”. but recently, basically since high school, i’ve begun to think that maybe thats not exactly what she meant.
i can’t remember if it was the summer after freshman year of during sophmore year that i had this dream, but at some point in 2007 i had a “flying” dream. It took place at my house and one of my old middle school friends, who always struck me as the kid who was going to be president someday, was in it. Anyways, in my dream my house wasn’t my house, but instead a flight school–but not with planes. We would just jump off a high surface–generally the roof of my house–and would start flying as long as we really really, truly believed we could fly.
The main part of the dream for me was that one of the conditions for us being at the flight school and flfying was that we, the students, all had to tell our parents where we were and what we were doing–a very simple thask–however, at the time that i had the dream i didn’t have the strongest communication with my parents and rarely told them what i was doing unless it concerned them. So because of the lack of communication with my parents at that point in my real life i didn’t/forgot to tell my parents where i was and what i was doing in my dream.
In my dream, my flight instructor found out, and took me and another student who also forgot to tell their parents into a room with white walls and a white floor and ceiling. She told us to “run the walls”. By thi si mean we literally ran on the walls so that our bodies were parallel to the floor. As i ran the wall, words came oue out of my feet and onto the wall. my instructor read it to me, “If you don’t tell your parents about this your future will be becoming an army general and working in the army.” I remember reading it on the wall as she read it out loud and being absolutely horrified–i have no intention of being in th army–it absolutely terrifies me! Then she told me to run the wall again, so i did and the words came out of my feet again. I came of the wall and i read it. it said, “You will become a US Ambassador.” Then my instructor said, “If you want this to be your future you have to go home and tell your parents right away where you were and what you were doing.” Immediately i said yes and that i would and then i remember flying again off my roof and then i woke up.
This was the first time i’d ever had a dream about being given my future career. and it was also the first time i’ve ever been totally clear about having a career that i feel suits me. Its something i could see myself doing and enjoying and being good at. Al my life i have never been able to stay set on a career or specific interest and constantly change my mind.
I had every intention of telling my mom my dream but i had to go to school so i couldn’t and i think she was also out of town because i think it was a sunday night to monday morning dream. Anyways–when she came home we talked kind of bit in one of our longer conversations she told me that one of the ministers at her korean church told her that i was going ot be a us/un ambassador. That freaked me out and i told her about my dream and she was like, “ashley, i told you, you’re special. you’re not normal, you’re here for bigger reasons, God has blessed you…” i mean it was all in korean so it seemed a little less complimentary, but that’s what she said and that’s when i realized she meant “special” in a different way than what i had thought.
obviously from my drean and what my mom told me and what God has i guess propheted ( i feel a little weird saying that…) i feel that i am being called to do something that has to do with international aid and policy etc. i also have recently played with the idea of being the president of the us–whether it’s possible of not. i guess i just feel like if i strive for extreme greatness i might come away at least a good or decent person with really cool experiences.
i kind of feel that i am being called to do something great, but i often wonder if its really a calling or if i’m just calling myself or succumbing to my mom’s “you’re special” thing and just believing what i am told naively. also, i wonder if that whole “you must believe you can fly in order to fly” thing from my dream is telling me to just believe and go for my dreams. i have no idea.
Anyways, i do want to be called to something if this isn’t it, but how do you know when you’re really being ccalled? how can i accept something i don’t even know is real? i feel like i need to be caclled to something because i feel i cannot make this decision or any huge decision like this on my own. i mean what do i know? not very much….haha. so yaaa…i guess i just won’t be popping my ballooon anytime relatively soon…but hopefully one day i will.
ok. so i would first like to start off with a small anticdote.
tonight, in desperate attempts to prepare for the ap chem exam on tuesday, i had some fellow apchemers over for a study “party”. to make a long story short, we started talking about english and how much we all LOVED the cool silver wax seal thing on the destiny envelopes, and how we actually got to literally break them. then someone mentioned that when neal ravindra got his envelope he looked at the seal and excitedly exclaimed, “SO HOGWARTS DOES EXIST!!!”. hahahaha. hilarious. of course later he realized the “H” stands for haffley…but it was a nice thought.
and now….my destiny.
step 1: are you afraid to dream?
absolutely not. dreams are awesome. they’re like fog. fog is a reality, but you can never grab it, therefore even though you see it and feel it, you never have the pressure to actually obtain it, because you know it’s impossible to put fog in your pocket and take it home. dreams, to me, are much the same- except, sometimes–oftentimes (if you really believe), they can be obtained…but there’s still that sense of no pressure.
1. i do believe in destiny. but i also believe that you can change/control your own destiny. i believe that everyone has a path with many mini paths involved in which they choose which way they go. also, i feel like your destiny is, like with all things, what you make of it.
2. i do believe that i have been given life for a purpose. i believe that everyone has, and that we all complete each other and the bigger picture. i feel like we are all a piece of the puzzle, and that if someone doesn’t complete their purpose, then the overall puzzle wouldn’t be picture perfect because the picture wouldn’t be compelte without the missing puzzle piece. i also believe, for this reason, that everyone is overall truly equal, because in order for the puzzle to truly work as a picture, every piece must be present. every single one.
step 2: to break the seal, or not to break the seal? that is the question.
if God handed me an envelope that had my true true destiny in it, i think i’d melt and just wet myself because it’s God, and he’s handing me my destiny. out of shock i would most likely just take the envelope because again, it’s God, and who am i to refuse anything given to me by God? exactly. therefore, yes i would take the envelope. however, after i get over the shock and start actually thinking about it, i have no idea whether or not i’d open my destiny or not. obviously i would be tempted beyond anything to open it, but at the same time i wouldn’t want to ruin the surprises ahead for myself. i feel like i would just be unlocking all of my life mysteries with the swift breaking of a seal. and also what if i don’t like my destiny? then what? would i just stop living at my full potential? taking for granted all the opportunities that would come my way, knowing that in the end i would have the same results? i mean my life would be so much less meaningful, and just so blah. i would just stop trying. …or would i try to change my destiny? living in constant fear of what could inevitably happen to me? ah. ya. i would hope that i could just put away my destiny, just looking at it for support and courage to do what i think is right in order to fulfill whatever was in that crazy little envelope. then i would only open it when i lost all possible hope, and just felt absolutely worthless. my lowest low. but it would really have to be a point of no return, not just my first failure after recieving the envelope. ya. i think i would just like put the envelope under my bed, and try to forget about it for as long as possible…only looking to it as a last resort. yupyup. for sure.
in real life i think i would be constantly looking toward my destiny…but i would always know that i would never find it. it would be like hunting for a treasure that i wish i could find, but somewhere in the back of my head know i never will….until i’m meant to.
step 3: reaction to my destiny
“you will spend your life devoted to your art. however, you will always be poor because of it.”
my reaction as written in english class literally right after opening my envelope:
what? my art? i want to be president! haha and by ‘art’ does that mean dance or piano? or a new art i haven’t found yet? or maybe my literal art- like studio art- except i’m not very good at it. or maybe it doesn’t even mean art as in artsy like arts & entertainment. maybe it’s my art as in my art to lie-except i wouldn’t be lieing of course…just an example…haha. maybe like my art with words to write, to persuade. maybe it’s my art like my art to get what i want. whoo! maybe it means i WILL be potus after all!!
oh wait. it says that i will because i am devoted to my art, i will be poor. haha- i didn’t even notice the poor part until now. oh boy. haha but that’s cool right? if i was rich, ya it would be nice, but what challenge would that bring? i think i’d get bored, honestly. but just incase maybe i could just marry into a rich family…wait! not like a golddigger or anything. ah no of course not…but i’m just saying. but then i, myself, would still have no money…but my husband would and therefore my children would still have nice lives, as would i, but i, me, myself, wouldn’t have a cent to my name. works, right?
actually, come to think of it, i’ve kind of always had the netality that i would just be taken care of in the financial department. i just never even thought about having money or not having it because i just figured it would all work out and be ok. that i would just be able to easily have enough money to get by. that money would just happen to be taken care of by someone else in my life. hmm. wait…does that mean that i have too much faith in the world? too much faith in my life? …i’m really naive i think. but even knowing that about myself i still default to those beliefs. the same full of faith-naive ideas. but really i think i just default to them because i feel like i wouldn’t want any other options…like even though i know other options exist, i choose not to believe in them…weird? yes. very. but whatever.
anyways….i actually really do like my destiny…but i think the main reason i do is because i can interpret it and turn it into something that i really do want out of my life. so in a sense, i really am making my own destiny- and i think that that’s totally possible in real life….actually i think that’s what we all do. i mean maybe interpreting your “destiny” into what you want it to be is what destiny really is. maybe.
soo today’s been kind of a lousy day in the sense that i’ve had 2 tests (precalc 2 & ap chem) back to back, followed by a lot of unfinished hw for several “meaningless” classes, that are probably actually full of meaning…but anyways. i just thought it would be nice to watch some youtube videos to help cheer me up…anyways, if you’re feeling the same way try these!
. and i really liked the light for integrity. i’m not really sure why humility was symbolized with incense but it made my pretty bag smell pretty so yayyy. 
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